My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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