yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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