I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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