At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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