lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
