and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it glows. i had to have it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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