He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
