I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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