I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize