I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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