So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
