I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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