there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
