Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize