Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize