OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
