maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
