I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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