I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
