is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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