i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
