My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
