her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
