is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
