I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize