eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
