I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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