Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Of course I have a pirate flag
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize