tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
