What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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