what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
