Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
