Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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