I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
