Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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