I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
