Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize