Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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