Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
