I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize