I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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