if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
