Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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