I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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