well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
