I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize