Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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