I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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