apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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