Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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