tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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