I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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