Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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