Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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