Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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