It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
