I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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