we're blogging at a bar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
