Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
