I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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