Don't you send me to vm
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
